Insecurity and unhappiness, being as interlocked as they are, are like diseases. They reach out and take control of every thought and action. And they're pretty much unstoppable after a point. The insecurity and unhappiness become reality and a part of everyday living that doesn't even seem abnormal anymore. And that's when you have a problem. When you can't remember a time of not being insecure, that's when you know something has to change. Sadly, this realization alone is not enough to make the change. In fact, I don't know what it takes, because as much as I would like to be, I'm not there yet. And that alone is an awful feeling, knowing something needs to change but still not knowing how to go about doing it or if you're strong enough to do it at all. And every time you try and fail, and try and fail again, you get buried down deeper and deeper until you're afraid to try again. I know I deserve better than this. I just don't know how to get there from here.
I love you. You are the best.
ReplyDeleteThanks Laurene.
ReplyDeleteI love you too!
I can't believe you talked about this. I feel like this every day. It's such a struggle, and everything in the world it seems like makes it more difficult.
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad for you that you realize you deserve better from yourself hon. It's true.
Well I don't know your specific unhappiness, but so do you!! I'm glad you can relate to my writing... maybe that's not such a good thing with this post. haha but still.
ReplyDelete