I am an anxious person by nature. I don't like change or the unknown and I like control and stability. Unfortunately in life those last two things get thrown out the window on a daily basis and change and the unknown are things to be encountered regularly. I don't know how or when it started but at some point in my life I made the un-conscience decision to fear that which I don't know and that is a huge problem because life is a huge unknown.
But the thing that I am finally starting to come to terms with is that I don't have to worry. I don't have to fear the unknown or be anxious about anything because I have someone to bear all of my burdens for me. The realization that God has the ability to take away my worries is so powerful. It doesn't matter how many verses I read about it or how many times I hear someone at church say it, there are some things (a lot of things) that I have to figure out for myself. And I'm finally getting it.
I am not in this alone.
I have a lot on my plate right now including packing, moving, job hunting, an upcoming interview (tomorrow morning!!!), a new semester starting shortly, and various other constant worries like future goals, appearance (and other far more shallow worries), income, and so on. So tonight I let it all get to me. My anxiety snuck up on me and got ahold of my emotions and before I knew what was happening I was an emotional wreck, close to shutting down. After a conversation with my mom that ended with a prescription for prayer and sleep I settled into bed, clasped my hands and closed my eyes.
And I prayed. I pray daily, for myself, for others, for various things. But sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions, doing what God expects of me. But tonight I spoke from a deep place of need and faith and absolute certainty that He was listening. Every silent word that I spoke brought me peace that I so rarely feel. It was like this huge burden was slowly being lifted off my shoulders. What a gift. The power of prayer is truly incredible. God's power and love for me is even more amazing. It brings tears to my eyes.
So tonight I am going to say a final prayer and then I will drift to sleep with the realization that everything will be fine and that there is absolutely nothing to fear or feel anxious about because He will carry the weight of my burdens.